As I sit here on day 2 of my normal weekend I realize how much I miss the Church!  As my Brother George quoted on my last blog “It is impossible to be a Christian in isolation”!

The word “church” in our society and culture has come to mean a building where people get together to practice their religion.  In truth the Church is not and did not have anything to do with brick and mortar, but with the people who identified themselves as fellow believers in Jesus.

For many of us this is so elementary that it is common knowledge, but we so easily forget.  Just like we forget that Worship does not simply mean singing hymns or choruses, but that is for another day.

I miss my family, my family of faith.  That is where I draw my strength when I have been beaten and battered by life.  That is where I learn to apply my faith in real life situations.  That is where I learn to share that faith with those who have not heard and have not believed, yet.  It is also a safe place for me to learn to use the gifts and talents that are in my life.  It helps me develop those gifts and helps me learn to serve others as Jesus would.

I am sure this isn’t the most theologically sound list, but it is my list.  It isn’t a comprehensive list for me, but it is my list for today.  It isn’t a perfected list.  The church is comprised of people from all walks of life and since there are people there it isn’t perfect either.  The Church with a capital “C” is a spiritual reality.  It is the spiritual body of Christ.  It is an act of Grace and it is perfect although it is not fully realized in this world yet.

So I miss the Church and the church.  I cannot wait until my new life begins with Christ in his Kingdom.  But I also miss the church here and now where I get glimpses of what is to come someday!  I don’t make it to the building often these days because of my work schedule.  I miss going to church on Sunday mornings and I miss experiencing Church “where two or three come together”.   I have to be diligent to seek out opportunities to meet with other believers when my schedule allows.  I have to be careful to recognize those chance meetings that become church that are unplanned as well or I will miss church and Church.

This is my life right now.

I really do long for the day when my work schedule is more like a normal person.  Until then, I will have to work to experience glimpses of Church and find opportunities to “have church” when and where I can.  I am reminded in scripture that “church” took place in shipwrecks, by campfires, in jail, in homes, in temples, on roadsides and a multitude of other places when life happened and Heaven kissed earth and a chance meeting became a glimpse of the Church.

Yep, one of these days (feel free to join me in pray that it will be sooner than later) I will be able to go to church every Sunday.  I miss that!  Until than I have to make sure that I don’t miss Church or church!

I am fine, thank you very much!  I am not bitter or angry at God.  I have nothing to be bitter about.  My family and I are more blessed now than we have ever been.  I have not been kicked out of the ministry.  As a matter of fact, I am still in ministry although it may be beneficial for you to read Matthew 25:31 and following to understand.  Unless you know something that I don’t, I am still waiting to hear from my church officials for possible pastoral positions.

I am not running from God, although He goes with me every time I do go out to run.

I am not at church because I work every Sunday afternoon and half my Sunday mornings right now.  In plain English, every Sunday I work and every other Sunday I work 16 hours.  On the occasions that I am not at church on Sunday when “I could be”, that is a personal decision on my part for, reasons that frankly do not concern you.  If you feel this is sin then you may need to see an Ophthalmologist to remove the plank sticking out of your eye.

Recently, some folks who have never shown any interest in me personally or had any fellowship with me personally have started making insinuations about my spiritual well being.  I am addressing this issue so that if you are truly concerned you will know the truth.  No one, not one person locally, other than Kevin Wilson, has spoken to me about me.  If you are hearing anything from anyone else other than me or my immediate family than you may want to seriously question it.

This may help: Slander is

So please, (note that I am asking nicely this time) please stop approaching my wife and parents with that pitiful look and voice asking, “Where is Jack?  How is he doing?”  If you are truly concerned and we are friends than I will gladly tell you what is going on in my life, the good, the bad and the ugly.  If you are not a friend than I would suggest that we spend some time together before you ask such questions.  I love coffee and I am free most morning to share a cup!

If any of this bothers you there is an analogy that may apply:  If you throw a rock at a pack of dogs the one who yelps is the one who got hit. (Kristen says this sounds bitter, LOL)

I might also suggest that you read more on this blog to gain a understanding of who I am and the path that I have traveled.  Note: I do not update this blog near as often as I use to or need to.

Making a mole hill out of a mountain!

BOOKS!

DEAD WEIGHT!

Boxes and boxes of once read or never read bound pieces of paper are now in a dumpster!  I thought I would be grieving, at least a little, but alas no.

For years, I have carried around these boxes and packed and unpacked them in office after office on book shelf after book shelf…

most I never looked at after the first read.

Between a time crunch and mold issues I had to find them a home in the big green monster, again not my first choice.

For years, I thought the size of my library might have some influence on how others saw me.  Crazy I know.  It is either my age, callousness or maybe, just maybe wisdom, but I realize that most people don’t care anyway.

Regardless, 3/4ths of my books are gone.

Symbolically, some of what those books represent was thrown away tonight as well.  It is like when you realize that Santa Claus isn’t real.  You knew…really you did, but the fantasy was nice…comforting.  Church.  Ministry.  Calling.

So much of what I thought I understood or knew I willing tossed in the big Green Monster too!  I have decided…Hold your breath…grab a chair…

A lot of what is done in church and by The Church is dead weight.  It wasn’t/isn’t in scripture to begin with, it is stuff we carry around year after year from place to place.  There is stuff that makes no practical difference and has no true spiritual significance.              DEAD WEIGHT!  It takes up space and depletes energy, but accomplishes nothing and represents nothing real or lasting.

I would really love to really cut loose and tell you what my dead weight was, but you wouldn’t get it!

Not because you are necessarily stupid or blind, but it is MY dead weight not yours.  You have to deal with YOUR dead weight.  So start sorting through your books.

and cast aside every weight and sin that has kept you down.

Sometimes the future stinks!

Are there similarities between life (i.e. discipleship, spiritual walk) and potty training or am I crazier than normal?

• The process isn’t fun but necessary
• Life can get messy…anytime, anywhere
• Messes made out of sight still stink
• Rarely can I clean my own messes up without help
• Failure is sometimes the only teacher
• Our mess often effect our family and friends whether we want them to or not
• You can’t judge your success or failures by looking at others

Hey folks, long time no see!  I had a deep thought.  Probably my first one in a long time.

It occurred to me that much of what I have seen of “Christianity” or the “Church” reminds me of the folks who traveled the yellow brick road.  It seems like the “Church” is often: brainless, heartless and without courage. (Insert examples from our own experience)

brainless…we label things sin like smoking and drinking alcohol, while neglecting what HE labeled sin, such as: pride, gluttony, selfishness, laziness, and showing partiality, et. al.  Jesus spent his last night teaching the church about service among other things.  The “Church” has spent decades teaching His “Body” about how to be blessed.

heartless…could be lacking compassion, but more accurately, lacking the heart of Christ. Christ spent his time with and invested in people.  ”Christianity” has spent the majority of its time and resources investing in buildings and hierarchies.  Now the people are the resources that keep the machine/beast running…

without Courage…we fight within our own walls, but we won’t fight the enemy?  We can’t find the will to get outside the walls of the buildings, to do what the Lord actually called His Church to do.  The Truth is watered down so as not to offend.

Is the Gospel that we live the one that He died for?

So growing up in Florida we would visit Disney every time we had family come in from out of town.  One of my favorites back in the day was “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride”.  Is it any wonder I have been having reoccurring deja vu  for seven months?

I will start by stating the obvious, that God is Faithful!

I wish I could say the same for myself.  I am human.  Fallible.

I taught for years that life change for the Christian was  a process that took place over the life of the believer and not the result of a one time spiritual experience.  Even so, I somehow managed to cultivate certain assumptions (yes, I know the rule about assuming).  I believed that because I have been a Christian for decades and a licensed minister for decades that I should have reached some state of perfection or infallibility.

If we were being honest I am not alone here.  Many of you, if not all, work under similar assumptions.  If not for yourself, then for your pastor or other leaders.  You may have heard that God holds pastors, teachers or even just Christians to a different standard, a higher level of responsibility.  In response, those in leadership, if they are honest, know that they are still fallible, but perpetrate a myth or representation of perfection.  They are not trying to be disingenuous or hypocritical.  They are simply stuck.

The truth is that God holds us all to the same standard.  The ugly truth is that we all fail.

Simply put, Jesus is the standard.

If we learn to manage our base cravings and shun temptations that are addictive or destructive, then as soon as we accept that “truth” then we fall prey to PRIDE.  Original Sin and in the words of a generation, “Opps, I did it again”!  Unfortunately, the Church isn’t very forgiving of those who bring attention to the chinks in its armor.  So we learn to “put paint on the pig” as the saying goes.  It becomes easier and more broadly accepted to sweep failure, faults and our humanness under the rug then to deal with it through confession and repentance (sorry for the Christian lingo, but think of repentance as a 180 on a skateboard.  You are heading one way and you make a maneuver that causes you to stop and head the opposite direction…)

Not to leave you hanging, but hopefully enough has been said.

I am learning to live with my humanness.  I am not excusing behavior in my life that doesn’t reflect what we see of Jesus in scripture.   I am not ignoring it or hiding it either.  I am trying to “be real” for lack of a better term.  To deal with it in a way that is honest between Jesus and myself.

Not to be rude, but I frankly don’t care what you think.  Caring about how others saw me, instead of how Jesus saw me, is what got me into the position I use to be in.  The Lord has used our families move to Roanoke, my change in careers and the Academy among other things to confront, correct and redirect my relationship with him.  It has been a really, really wild ride!

I am not trying to throw stones or get in your business.  I don’t have the time or energy anyway.  Although, I would be more than happy to have a discussion about this stage of my life.  Talking it through helps me to get through.

Honestly, I have tried to blog several times recently and I couldn’t get past this, but I didn’t want to talk about this, so I stopped.  I erased this or similar rantings 3 or 4 times, but here we are…

I hope to share my thoughts about the Academy and its completion soon.  Off to graduate from the Roanoke County Criminal Justice Academy, as scary as that may be to most of you!  Just kidding…

Ok, so tomorrow is the last day of one of the hardest (physically, mentally and emotionally) days of my life!  I know that sounds dramatic, but really…

DT week (Defensive Tactics) started last Wednesday, so already you see the problem.  DT week is actually 8 full days long!  To make matters worst, on Friday (day 3) I bruised my ribs (or tore a chest muscle or something, not trying to be too picky here).  So I had to start this week in severe pain…

Ok, I can tell your lost, so let me brake this down.  DT week is all about learning to handcuff, search, and in general control unruly bad guys in all kinds of various and sundry situations.  For example, how do you take, choose your weapon of choice here: hand gun, shot gun, knife or bat, from said bad guy?  Or said bad guy is in his cell and MUST come out how do you accomplish this feat?  So for those who are imagination-ally challenged, envision loads of punches, kicks, grabs, throws and lots of wrestling.  Oh, yeah, they won’t let you use real bad guys to practice!  So instead, you spend 10 days doing all these things and conversely having them done to you!

Now imagine if you will having to do all of this with very sore ribs that just won’t seem to heal for some strange reason!

Yet here I sit at the end of one of the most challenging weeks of my life.  Very sore. Extremely tired.  Bruised in so many places I can’t count and you don’t want to imagine!  Even so, I am at peace.  I really wish I could claim some great spiritual insight, giftedness or blessing.  Truthfully, after being beat up for a week, I don’t feel particularly spiritual.  Most of my prayers have been in the vain of, “Oh God!  That hurt!”  ”Lord please don’t let me pass out!”  ”Jesus please let me sleep tonight without waking up in pain!” (for the record that prayer hasn’t been answered yet!)

Tomorrow I have to go in and perform all of these techniques in scenarios where the instructors play the parts of the bad guys.  Our instructors are great, but lets be honest, it takes a “special” breed of person to voluntarily and eagerly agree to fight and risk injury for the sake of helping others learn to protect themselves.  I’m not making any accusations here, because these instructors have helped me do more in 10 days then I would have ever thought possible.  Even so, it has been proven that some of the most gifted people are also the most susceptible to insanity…I’m just sayin’…

So, if it’s not too much trouble and you can spare the time, throw a prayer towards Roanoke for me and my classmates!  Please pray that we will be successful in our testing tomorrow.  Pray also that after all is said and done tomorrow that we will all be able to recuperate quickly this weekend!  With only three weeks left, we have a week of driving and then we have to get sprayed with pepper spray and shot with the taser before we can close this chapter of our lives.  Fun, fun!

Night, night!

slippin, slippin, slippin, into the future...

Time is something I don’t have much of…at least not for myself.

We have officially completed week 5 of the Criminal Justice Academy!  Half way home baby!

Things I have learned in the last several weeks of silence…

• Intimidation only works if there is a perceived threat
• Ribs are not made of elastic!
• For that matter neither are necks!
• I am much more average at shooting than I want to be, except
• I rock at night shooting, and
• combat shooting on the move,
• although, I need to take my time when shooting from a car, ‘nough said about that!
• BTW (by the way, duh!) shooting at night with blue lights flashing is a total rush!

I have also learned that keeping up with guys that are less than twice your age can be, …at best difficult!

• oh yeah, mistakes can make your ears ring!

So with only 5 weeks left I am half way done with the Academy, and yet there is so much to look forward to!  There are at least five more test (I am in a three way tie for 1st place for the academic award, but no pressure!),  a week worth of defensive tactics (remember necks and ribs aren’t made of elastic), a dose of OC pepper spray and a jolt of “don’t taze me bro!”

Really, I can’t wait!  Really…

Charge of the Light Brigade

So I’m going through this process for the next few weeks and I have had a few challenges this week.

Ok, so I lost my focus!  Which is really ironic since our motto is “Smart, tough, focused!”  I have been the one all along that said that there are certain parts of this process that you just have to endure.  You don’t get to involved emotionally.  You don’t take it to personally.  You just do it and get through it.

Unfortunately, good advice can sometimes slip one’s mind no matter how good it sounded before the pressure was turned up.  Oddly enough, what bothered me the most and caused me to lo0se focus, had more to do with the way other folks were being treated.

On other fronts, I was very pleased with my first test score.  My bench press increased from (barely sissy to not that sissy), but it increased!  I had a consistent performance in PT (physical therapy) finishing third in all the long runs!

Now that the bragging is over I have to tell you that by Friday I was feeling my age, plus your age, plus some others too!  Being frustrated didn’t help either!  I think my prayer for the group before inspection went sort of like this, “Lord, please give us the strength to do what we really need to do today, because frankly, I just don’t care!”  Yes, I know it wasn’t particularly loquacious or elegant, but believe me it was heart felt!

I don’t want to give the wrong impression.  I really am enjoying this experience.  I find it challenging and encouraging to find out I am capable of more than I have ever believed, especially at this stage of life.  My struggles center around one singular aspect of this process and even there it isn’t what we have to do, but finding value in that process.

Their’s not to reason why,
Their’s but to do and die: from “Charge of the Light Brigade”

I understand this concept, but in general it usually doesn’t work that well for me!  So I am trying to refocus this weekend so that next week won’t be weak too!

Hell week 1

This has been one of the most challenging and rewarding weeks of my life.  I can honestly say that I wish many of you could experience what it is like to be in this type of training program.  I can also say just as honestly, that I am glad you haven’t had to go through this.  (Lord, I think I’m be coming sadomasochistic!)

Not surprisingly I am the oldest member of class 11-13.  Also not so surprisingly they voted me into the office of Chaplin of the class.  We have a great group that already understands what it means to be a team and is working together very well for only having been together for a week.  I can only guess at the opinions of our instructors.   They know where we are going and how far we are from that destination.  However, I have lived long enough and worked in a variety of different situations, and based on what we have accomplished so far I am very optimistic for this class.

Personally, I have never worked so hard in all my life.  I realize that it is going to get tougher, but so far I have been able to give it my all.  There have been opportunities to hold back a little or to give up prematurely, but I can say with a clear conscience that I have literally left it all on the field.  I am sore.  I am very tired.  I am even nervous about some of the things that lie ahead.  Strangely enough I have an overwhelming confidence that I have been prepared for this time of my life.  I am by no means the strongest or smartest in this class.  I am however prepared as I can be for what lies ahead and for this I am truly grateful.

One of the greatest encouragements to me has been the trust and respect that my class mates have placed in me.  It is not simply that they have voted for me to be chaplain of the class.  But they have been encouraging and supportive all week.  As one of them said to me as spokesman for the group, “You have impressed us!”  Truly they have all impressed me as well.  Even those who have been injured this week have wanted to pushed on and have had to be held back (almost forceable at times) for their own good.  Why?  Because of the heart, courage and determination that they have for their class and this training process.

Lastly, I have been duly impressed with all of our instructors and staff.  They are the very definition of professional (albeit hilarious at times).  I have been impressed as well with the those who in training with us don’t merely tell us what to do, but do it and out do us in the process!  I have been touched with the encouragement and support from my fellow Deputies with whom I work as well as those who have worked with our class.  I have been blessed by the support, understanding and prayers of my family, friends and church family.  Some who understand because they have walked in my shoes.  Others who have never been through such a process, but still care and help carry the burden.   Finally, I have been blessed beyond measure by those who through this process are paying as high a price if not higher than I, and that is my family.  Kristen and the kids are paying the price through my absence during the day and my distance at night.  Even though I try to spend time with each one in the evening, in the end I have to start my extensive preparation for the next day.

I would love to get into more detail, but I’m not sure what I can and can’t; should or shouldn’t say (this could be because I feel partially impaired mentally due to fatigue!).  Most of my observations in the future will have to be about me and not others or the specifics of the program, so please don’t take my comments as self centered or arrogant.

Until next week…

(I apologize in advance for spelling and grammatical errors.  As a former teacher I usually attempt to keep these types of mistakes to a minimum.  Unfortunately, I am pushed for time these days and since this is my blog I will take liberties when necessary.  If this is offensive then….)